Yesterday night, I went to a surprise birthday celebration for my dear friend J from church. It was wonderful to relax with friends, play wii (i’m an excellent boxer:P), play a fun word game (yes, we are quite nerdy), and most of all, catch up with some old friends. Four of us girls sat and talked til 3 about everything from boys to career paths to lulu lemon…J and I continued talking even after the other two girls went to bed.
Growing up with J, I’ve always admired her ability to persevere at whatever task she is faced with. In terms of academia, I often doubt whether I can truly excel at what I’m doing if I “put my mind to it”. As I shared with J, she explained to me that she too, experiences such doubts and fears. So I guess I’m not alone – even the most bright and intelligent minds face periods of self-doubt! Our conversation reminded me of how so much of our worrying and stressing out comes from relying on our own “might and power” instead of trusting in God, and the power of the Spirit (Zech 4:6). I also confessed that for me, most of the pressure to do well in school in order to “be something” comes from pride – wanting success in the eyes of man.
I want to do things in this life that will impact eternity. I want to invest my time in energy in what matters – in people, and in sharing God’s love with people. But at the same time, I’m scared of failure and so I’ve been avoiding thinking about future decisions (ie: summer projects, co-op, graduation, graduate programs etc). A verse that J shared spoke out to me a lot: For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (2 Tim 1:7). I need to stop being such a chicken and allow His power to work through and in me.
