I think Gordon posted about this in his not for men, but for God a while back…but it’s something that I was reminded of today.
I have a tendency of being “too hard on myself”. I get annoyed at myself for what are really trivial things. Whenever I’m responsible for wasting other people’s time, causing other people inconvenience, disappointing other people I feel frustrated quite a bit. I guess the reason why I am this way is because of a combination of reasons. Although I’ve never been told I’m “A” type, but I think I have pretty high expectations of myself and often of the people around me. For example, if I commit to something, I do my best to be on time, fulfill all the requirements. I get annoyed when others are tardy, if they appear like they don’t care about their commitment.
Why am I like this? I think part of it is because I am concerned about how others see me. I want others to see me as hardworking, dedicated/committed, responsible, kind, caring. Sometimes pride can take the form of what appears to be “low self esteem”.
Today I was trying to find waterloo radio with my housemate vicky so that we can get our money back – I never listen to Waterloo radio. When I couldn’t find the place after 10 minutes, I began to apologize to her, feeling like I was wasting her time. I think it’s partially cuz my family is pretty impatient and they’ve taught me to never let be an inconvenience to people – consider other people first. I didn’t really realize the thought processes going through my head, but Vicky asked me if I put myself down a lot. I never really thought about that, but I think I do. She told me that it’s a problem because although it’s important to be compassionate and considerate of others, I should not feel bogged down with guilt when I do something wrong or disappoint others.
In Galatians 5:1 it says it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Jesus says in John 5:44 that I do not accept praise from men…How can you believe if you accept a praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?
I guess it was a good reminder of how I should examine my motives when I do something for others…Ie: am I doing it out of sincere love from comes from my knowing/experiencing God’s love? Or am I doing it so others will think more highly of me?
He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him (John 7:18)
